That Devastating Tuesday: A Millennial Remembers 9/11

I remember 9/11 like it was yesterday. I still wish I’d wake up and find out that last 20 years were a dream. But, we’re just not that lucky.

Before I go any further, I want to emphasize that I am currently 29, and in a few weeks I’ll be 30 years old. So, my perspective on what happened, how I reacted personally, and how I witnessed others handling it is coming from the mind of a 9 year old. That girl also had just had her entire life uprooted. That July, my family moved from North Haven, Connecticut to Maryland (right outside Baltimore) after my Dad got a new job. School hadn’t been in session for long. I was majorly struggling with being apart from my friends in New England, and trying to fit in in my new surroundings. 

*There are no graphic images or descriptions of the events of September 11th, 2001 in this post.*

The Morning of 9/11

While getting ready for school, I saw what I thought was a rocket or firework fly past the bathroom window. To this day I have no idea what it was that I saw. Or, maybe I imagined it. Maybe somehow I knew something bad had happened elsewhere in the world and that was my brain’s way of coping. I do remember thinking that someone was shooting something at our house, perhaps as a prank. But I didn’t see anyone outside, and nothing else happened. I told myself I was being crazy and finished getting ready for school.

Thinking about it more and more, I’ve come to the conclusion that I imagined it. It’s possible that I heard a few select words from the tv in my parents’ bedroom, where the news was on. My mind may have been playing a cruel a trick on me. Either way, this is something that I have never said to anyone before. And now I’m putting it out for the whole world to read. So… congrats internet. You now know a 20 year old secret of mine.

School

I don’t know the time school started but once the day began, classmates were slowly pulled out of classes. People that worked in the front office were coming to get kids from their classes. Others were being called on the loudspeaker- all to go home.

Initially, we all thought it was funny, like those kids being pulled out of school were so lucky. Obviously, the principal and others in the school office knew what had happened outside of our little elementary school bubble. But, I don’t know if our teachers knew, since they were with us. Everyone in the building did an amazing job of hiding any emotion from us. I had no reason to believe that anything was wrong., and neither did anyone else. It just all seemed like a weird coincidence. If you were a teacher, or worked in a school that day, hear this- thank you, you are amazing. I can’t imagine what would have happened if one of us kids found out what happened.

It’s strange looking back on 9/11 as a 29 year old. I’ve always heard peers refer to it as ‘a plain old Tuesday,’ or ‘just another day.’ But it really wasn’t. Even if I didn’t have my random freak out before school, nothing about that day was ‘the usual.’

The Afternoon on September 11th

During our lunch period, an announcement was made that we would all be going home early, and the busses would be coming to get us soon. And we cheered. Even thinking about it now, 20 years later, it makes me sick to my stomach. I know there is no way we could have known anything. But I don’t think I will ever look back on that moment and not feel sick. 

When my brother and I got home, our parents sat us down on the couch and said they needed to tell us something. That was the moment I knew something was wrong.

I don’t remember everything that was said, but even now I can hear my Dad telling us that the United States was attacked today. I don’t remember what else was said, or maybe nothing else was, but my Mom turned on the tv to attempt to find a show to distract ‘the kids,’ and that’s when I first saw footage of the towers that morning. My Mom hadn’t considered the fact that ‘regular scheduled programming’ wouldn’t be happening, and every single channel was playing videos of the planes, the towers falling, the panic in the streets… everything. My Dad yelled at her to turn the tv off, because what did you think was going to be on tv??? I don’t remember what my brother saw, or how he reacted, or anything else after that.

Alone With My Thoughts

I ended up in my bedroom, facedown on my bed, sobbing. How could this happen? Weren’t wars over? I don’t think the word ‘war’ was ever said while I was in earshot, but it’s still where my mind went. And then, could the thing I saw this morning have been a warning? Did I ignore it? I didn’t dwell on that much; at some point logic did kick in. However, that moment of thinking could I have stopped this has probably fed into all of the anxiety and depression issues that I still deal with today. At the age of 9, I was literally putting the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Don’t get me wrong- I never blamed myself for what happened. But, as a 9-year-old, all I saw was my world getting worse and worse. I wanted some sort of control over something. Anything.

Growing up, my grandparents occasionally said in conversations, ‘where were you when Kennedy got shot.’ Meaning, it’s a moment that you will never forget. No matter how old you are, how much time has passed, or what memories you’ve lost, you will always remember it. You could easily be transported right back into that moment. 9/11 was my generation’s ‘moment.’ Within seconds I can become that 9-year-old girl again, sobbing hysterically into her pillow.

September 12, 2001

The next day in school, during morning announcements the music teacher played a song, I can’t remember which one, maybe ‘God Bless the USA.’ One of the boys in my class started crying, and the teacher took him out into the hall and gave him a hug and tried to comfort him (I assume). Most of us, myself included, were tearing up, but he was clearly more affected than most. To this day, I don’t know why. And I want to say, Colin- I hope you are ok. Maybe I was right in not asking you about it, and trying to give you your privacy. But maybe I should have asked you if you were ok. I never did stop wondering. Even at our high school graduation ceremony, when your name was called and I watched you walk across the stage, I wondered.

To be continued…

Coming up in Part 2…

• My eerie Fort McHenry visit
• Post 9/11 millennials
• Additional 9/11 stories to read

For information on how to observe the 6 moments of silence, information on visiting the memorial, or resources for kids and families, head to the 9/11 Memorial and Museum website.

If you’re in need of some light-hearted content, check out this Strange Customer Story or my dog Charlie’s Adoption Story.